


Are you there, God? It's me, Azrael.

by BeezandBitches



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Characters are only mentioned to be dead no one actually dies, Death cries, Existential Crisis, God left her grandkids at target and never came back thats the vibe, Hurt/Comfort, four 4 hours straight, from the shrek musical, i listened to i know it’s today, while writing this.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:47:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24400816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeezandBitches/pseuds/BeezandBitches
Summary: Death was meant to be everywhere, and know everything. They were supposed to know exactly how the world would end, and nothing could change that path. That is, until the path decided to uproot from under them and leave Death alone and lost. So, who better to yell your existential frustrations at than God?
Relationships: Death & Famine & Pollution & War (Good Omens), God & Death (Good Omens)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Are you there, God? It's me, Azrael.

**Author's Note:**

> I got a burst of inspiration and spent all of it writing this. Death needed to cry a lil.
> 
> If you like this, please leave some love and comments down below!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr @BeezandBitches for more four horsepeople crying and also other Good Omens things.
> 
> Have a lovely day!

The universe was like a funhouse. Not a fun-house, with parties and games and all kinds of interesting things to do, but a funhouse full of mirrors and endless corridors and sudden stops with no ways back. God made it that way on purpose, of course. Where’s the fun if the universe was straightforward? Even an all-knowing, all-powerful being has to get some kicks out of their inventions. God had planned a lot of fun to come out of her favorite little project, the Earth, when it was still in its planning stages and all her angels were busy, busy, busy bringing her vision to fruition. She wanted Earth to be ineffably enjoyable. She wanted it to be full of surprises! That’s what God thought fun was.

Sadly, her once-favored son Lucifer had different plans for Earth once they were nearly done with Eden. Plans that involved fire and destruction. Pity, she had so hoped he would change his mind long before the day he called for revolution came. Angels by the millions fell from grace, and God wept. At least, that was what happened in the story told. No one was really sure how true it was. Then came Adam, Eve, the serpent and his apple, the angel with his sword, the first rainstorm in history.. Well, everyone already knows the rest.

Once the clouds cleared, almost as if she had never been there to begin with, God went silent. Dead silent. No one would hear from her for thousands of years. Heaven was particularly good at hiding this fact behind a thick veil of lies. If no one heard from her, they must be doing fine. After all, if God herself had no objections, everything must be as planned. She had always had a plan for the universe, for the Earth, maybe this was part of it? What angels didn’t know though, is most games weren’t always planned out.

By nightfall on the eighth day of the world, Adam and Eve had already been busy with this ‘free will’ thing that the serpent had inadvertently given them. With the swift slice of a flaming sword to the nape of a lion’s neck, humanity had created four forces they would never care to claim as their own fault, but would inevitably be their downfall.

Death, War, Famine, and Pestilence entered the scene one after the other, all flashing into existence besides the rotting corpse of a large wild cat. They already knew who they were and what they’d be long before Heaven and Hell took notice of them and worked the newly named Four Horsepeople into the Great Plan. They’d bring about the end of times one day, with the help of Satan’s own child. But, that was a long ways away, and they had other work to do for now. And they wasted no time getting settled. Three out of four of them found their places among humanity, spreading suffering and sadness and contempt with so much ease. 

Death was the outlier, of course. They were created first, technically, but War was a close second. Death was given a special gift that the others were not, the gift of omnipotence and omnipresence. They would be everywhere at all times and know everything about anything ever. This was due to the fact they were in charge of guiding the dead to the afterlife. Like a garbage collector, or a tour guide, they’d have the heaviest workload job out of all their siblings. 

Death had known each part of the universe the millisecond they poofed into existence. They knew exactly how the world would ever so slowly drag on and on to it’s destined doomsday. The world would be engulfed in flames and fire and their destinies would come. Heaven and Hell would get their war, the Horsepeople would have their glory. It would be spectacular.

The only problem was the apocalypse was cancelled by the same Antichrist that was meant to start it.

Oh, you would not believe the absolute horror-shows that were Heaven and Hell when that happened. No one knew what to do, if they could do anything anyway. They both failed to even execute the traitors in their ranks that had contributed to the whole problem, albeit only minorly. Now, all they were worried about was both realms not falling into total chaos. They couldn’t care less about what happened on Earth. About how now three of the Four Horsepeople were currently just straight up gone. About how through all of it, God was still silent..

About how Death was, for the first time in the history of the world, lost.

They had been so sure they had seen everything, _everything_ that could possibly happen. Everything that _would_ happen. This route, the decisions that lead to that very second in time, it wasn’t seen anywhere. There wasn’t even a hint that the end times wouldn’t come. Death had been so sure, so very sure, that everything would’ve gone how it was supposed to! They had never _not_ been sure in their entire life!

But now, they sat silently at the edge of a riverbank in the middle of nowhere, staring at the water in thought. The water was murky, but that was from its plant life and mud. Pollution would hate it, they thought in passing, it would need so much more plastic and cardboard floating around in it if it was going to be anything worth looking at. Famine would just be absolutely _disgusted_ by all the flourishing crop fields not far from the river, all the food just eager to be harvested and sold to satisfy the hungry. But their complaints would be nearly silent compared to War, who would _loudly_ rant about the fact the towns nearby were so low-tension and mellow that they didn’t even have common crimes take place everyday! It was just so damn _peaceful_ there she could vomit! At least Pestilence would appreciate all the disease-carrying bugs that made their home on the edge of the water. Death sighed quietly, the tail end of a strained chuckle clinging to it. How they missed their family.

Nothing felt the same since most of them had been discorporated. Sure, it wasn’t like they popped in to visit much before, but the thought that they _could_.. Well, I suppose they found it comforting. Like they weren’t alone. But that wasn’t the case now, was it?

Death’s eye sockets, the only form of light in them being two chilling pinprick-sized blue dots swimming in nothingness, turned to face the sky. Nightfall had come so quickly, and now it was just them and the warm embrace of the stars. It was nice, sometimes, to appreciate the small things. But, not even the stars were eternal. Death had reaped the light of many stars in their time. They would question if stars would even count as living, by the standards of a human, but they already knew the answer.

In an instant, Death’s consciousness was elsewhere. They were still by the river, in a sense, but not physically. Now, they were among the stars, their own thick, star-speckled wings stretched out behind them. They needn’t use their wings often, but it always felt good to let them breathe. They were the only one of their siblings with a pair, might as well appreciate the gift. They had once thought that about all their gifts, but things changed.

Death stared out into the endless void of space, trillions of twinkling lights sparkling around them with blinding brightness and melting heat. They had never felt colder.

It was stupid, they thought, to even try.. But, they were out of options. They needed to speak to someone, _anyone,_ about this sinking pit in their being. And no one in the three realms would be able to understand where they came from. They might as well give it a go.

 **ARE YOU THERE, GOD? IT’S ME, AZRAEL.** Death’s words were met with silence. Deafening, pressure-building silence. They took a breath, where it went was anyone’s guess as they didn’t have any lungs, and held it. Then, they spoke again. **SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED, I'M SURE YOU’VE SEEN. THE WORLD, WELL, IT'S STILL THERE.. AS IF NOTHING EVER HAPPENED. BUT THE ANTICHRIST- I TRIED TO REASON WITH THE BOY, GOD, I DID. BUT HE WOULDN’T HAVE IT. HE LET THE WORLD CONTINUE ON AS IT ALWAYS HAS, BUT THAT WASN’T THE PLAN. OR, PERHAPS IT WAS? I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE. I DON’T LIKE NOT KNOWING.**

Death felt their bones ache with a new kind of emotion. Sadness? Anger? They couldn’t place it. It wasn’t anything they had ever really felt before.

 **THE GREAT PLAN,** They said. **WAS THIS PART OF IT? WAS THERE EVER A GREAT PLAN TO BEGIN WITH? OR DID YOU JUST- JUST- RUN WITH IT? LET WHATEVER HAPPEN AND HOPE THINGS TURNED OUT ALRIGHT.** The stars seemed to shine brighter as Death spoke, at least they listened to them. They curled their skeletal hands closed around a small fistful of their own cloak. **YOUR CHILDREN, THE ANGELS AND DEMONS, THEY AREN’T VERY HAPPY IN THE SLIGHTEST. I’M SURE YOU KNOW, THE TRAITORS GOT AWAY FROM THEM SCOTT-FREE. I WAS PREPARED TO COLLECT THEM, JUST AS I HAD COLLECTED THE DEMON LIGUR BEFORE THE ANTICHRIST PUT EVERYTHING BACK TO WHERE IT BELONGED. BUT THEN, NOTHING CAME OF IT. WHY DO THEY GO UNPUNISHED, AFTER DISRUPTING EVERYTHING? DO YOU FAVOR THEM?** Sometimes, silence spoke more than actual words did. Death ruffled their feathers, flapping their wings slightly as they huffed. 

The Almighty.. where did she get off thinking she could just leave them in the dark about this? She was supposed to be their wise, powerful creator- the universe’s ringmaster! After everything they went through, it sure did feel like it was a circus. It was as if she didn’t even _care_! Death felt a bubbling in their core.

 **YOU MUST FAVOR THEM. AFTER EVERYTHING, THEY GET TO BE HAPPY. WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF US, GOD?** They asked- no, not asked. Demanded. Had it been anyone else, they wouldn’t be so bold as to demand an answer from God. Well, except maybe Lucifer. **WHY CAN’T WE BE GIVEN OUR JUST DUES? MY SIBLINGS AND I DID AS WE WERE MEANT TO FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS. WE WERE BORN INTO OUR PURPOSE, OUR PURPOSE THAT YOU GAVE US! AND WE ARE REWARDED WITH EMPTY PROMISES AND DISCORPORATION!**

If Death had actual eyeballs, they might have begun to water. _Thousands of years_ , wasted! What were they to do? What did it matter anymore? Were they just expected to dawdle about, twiddling their thumbs, playing games with humanity _forever_? Death’s job was vital to the tapestry of life itself, but what did it matter anymore if there was no end of the fabric?

 **ANSWER ME!** They shouted. The stars cowered at the boom of Death’s voice. **WHY WON’T YOU ANSWER ME, ALMIGHTY? BECAUSE ALL WE ARE IS PLAYTHINGS IN YOUR GRAND DESIGN? TOYS FOR YOU TO MEDDLE WITH? HEAVEN AND HELL ALREADY SAW US AS PAWNS IN THEIR WAR, SCAPEGOATS FOR THEIR SELFISH WANTS, AND EVEN YOU DISREGARD US! DISREGARD ME!** Their wings flared, the shine of their speckles flashed threateningly to no one. **I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS! I NEVER ASKED TO EXIST! I NEVER ASKED TO KNOW ALL, BE EVERYWHERE, ONLY TO HAVE THE ONE THING I ALWAYS TRUSTED TURN ON ME!** Theiranger was pulsing through space, weakening the light of the stars around them just from the fury of their cry. **AND NOW I’M ALL ALONE! MY SIBLINGS- MY FAMILY! THEY’RE GONE! THOSE CHILDREN KILLED THEM! I CANNOT FIND THEM! I CAN’T REACH THEM! THEY ONLY DID AS THEY WERE MEANT TO! THIS ISN’T FAIR!**

Ghostly tears would flood down their skull, the faintest glitter of stardust inside them. Up until now, Death had no idea they could even cry, and now they couldn’t stop. Their breath hitched, mixing with sobs and whimpers and painful wails. They covered their sockets with their boney fingers, weeping fully into their palms. Their wings slowly curled around them, almost as if they were trying to hug themself. 

They didn’t deserve this. They hated this.

They wanted things to be like they had been before. 

**GIVE THEM BACK..** Death’s voice was no more than a whisper at that point. **GIVE THEM ALL BACK TO ME.. CHALKY, CARMINE, RAVEN.. I.. CAN’T DO THIS ALONE..**

As they sobbed, they didn’t notice quite the sight before them. A single star, no bigger than a rhinestone, floated closer to them. The little star then grazed the top of Death’s skull, only to glow brighter than all the other stars before them combined. 

Death’s hands were slid down from their face, only for them to catch sight of a vaguely human-shaped being holding onto them. They could only make out a vague body shape, with a hair-shape like the milky way and wings that seemed to engulf the entire solar system. The most solid part of this being was the three eyes on what Death assumed to be it’s face. All striking and grey, gentle and powerful all the same.

 _“Oh, Azrael,”_ The being spoke, no mouth in sight. _“My poor grandchild.. The weight you carry on your shoulders has never been an easy one, has it?”_

Death had no words, they knew who this was.

 _“I must apologize for leaving you and the others so blind to my ways.”_ The Almighty said, caressing Death’s cold cheekbone. For once, they felt warmth in that spot. _“I feared if I let on too much, my plans would be spoiled. You know how my dear creations get sometimes. I mean, look at sweet Luci.”_ Death couldn’t see it, but they were certain God smiled. _“Everything that happened was for reasons, of course. Ineffable reasons, but reasons nonetheless._ ”

 **YOU MEANT FOR THIS?** Death mustered back up the courage to address God directly.

 _“Of course I did.”_ She said. _“I never wanted my finest work to be destroyed. I wanted it to be for all my children, humans, angels, demons even, to enjoy.”_

 **WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?** They asked. **YOU COULD’VE EXPLAINED-**

 ** __** _“Oh, you could beat some of them over the head with answers and explanations and someone would still try their luck. After last time, I figured it would be best to let them handle it themselves. Let them.. have their fun.”_ She said. Her gray eyes scanned Death, and they almost felt self conscious. _“You’ve always been a clever being, Azrael. Not everyone could handle a job like yours, you know?”_

 **I WAS MADE FOR IT.** They said, only slightly choked by reverence. They may be Death, but this was _God_. They’d have to watch their step.

 _“Well, just because you’re made for something doesn’t mean you’re good at it. And you are very good at what you do. You’re wise and fair and only a bit of a bastard.”_ She chuckled. God was making _jokes?_ Now Death was certain that they didn’t know everything. _“Don’t think I don't know about you sparing Elvis, or sparing so many kittens.”_

 **...CATS HAVE NINE LIVES FOR A REASON.** They tried to justify it. **ELVIS OWES ME A FAVOR NOW.**

 ** __** _“Yes, yes..”_ God said, blinking lightly. _“You four- five, with dear Wyn, of course- you deserved so much more than the hand you were given by my flock. I’ve always adored you.”_

**THAT WASN’T EXACTLY CLEAR, ALMIGHTY.**

**__**_“Well, I speak true.”_ She said. _“And it would break my heart to see you be alone.”_

**DOES THAT MEAN…?**

**__**_“I do believe I can make some changes, if you’d like_. _”_

**PLEASE.**

God closed her eyes and let her wings flutter. There was a bright flash that lasted for the better half of a second before she reopened them. She smiled again.

 _“You’ll know where to find them.”_ She said. _“Say hello for me, won’t you my dear?”_

Before Death could respond, God was gone. No more than a star again. Death felt their consciousness shift from among the stars and back to the riverside.

Laying in the overgrown grass was their siblings, physical and breathing and _there_. They were stirring, waking from a heavy sleep. War was the first to rise.

“Hey, what the-“ She yawned. “fuck? We were just in.. that airbase..” Next came Famine.

“Where are we?” He asked, looking around.

“Is it after the end already?” Pollution grumbled, rubbing one eye. “That must’ve been fast.”

 **NO. IT'S NOT.** Death said, shaking their head slightly. All three turned to them. From the sound of Death’s voice, they could tell something more had happened. **BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER RIGHT NOW.** They knelt down in the grass, their wings rushing out from their back before pulling the other three close. Stardust-laced tears fell from their sockets again, and the others didn’t question it. All they did was collectively hug Death, who only pulled them closer.

They had never been happier to be wrong in their entire existence.


End file.
